Wednesday, August 21, 2013

My Feeling Broken By You, My Friend

I'm typing this, telling this, with half a sense of dislike to myself that seemed couldn't help myself.. I never thought like this previously.. almost exploded.. so lemme type what I feel..

Suddenly I remember you were always smile with a friendly smile in front of me. But I got a reality that it was just a fake smile. I knew that u talked about myself behind me. I even know that u r calling me as Ariel, the Mermaid Princess between your friends. Pretty and coooolll... jreng jreenggg.... right?
But actually not as pretty as yuh mean, b'cos in this case you laughed at me that havin' a dream that looks like a mermaid princess who wants to have a leg to replace her fin for the sake of getting a prince she loves.

it isn't weird if I have a dream that doesn't even hv anything to do with you, isn't it?
Btw, do you really know what my dreams till you dare to judge me like that without knowing how deeply myself?
Tbh I actually don't care about anything you say or anyone else says about me. Even when you did it behind me. 
Duh, maybe your life is boring n my life is so interesting, huh? That's why you always try to find out about my life, eh? 
Oh, just to be used as material for a chat with others? Just found out that you like to do gossip, right?

Even though I've never tried to interfere in your life. Just wonder, why do you look so busy to deal with other ppl's lives? Don't ya hv your own life? 
You shouldn't judge a person's life from the surface. You donno me deeply but you dare judge as if yuh know everything about me. Just like me.. I shouldn't judge you too high. Cz previously, I always think positively towards you, my friend.. 
Apparently I still have a lot to learn n to be careful in terms of looking into myself n other ppl. It doesn't mean I hv to stop to think positive. It doesn't mean to be so negative. But I realized it takes an alertness. in terms of trusting others too.
Why I didn't realize immediately..? Even friends which we believe could stab from behind..

Do you feel satisfied after talking n laughing about others behind them? I know that's your right. So? Whether having a dream is a strange thing? Things ultimately be used as a joke by others. After that? Moke? Ridicule? Make fun of? And you'll be happy? OMG
But, all the things originated from a dream? I've never been afraid to fail than never try at all, right? I never afraid to try again n again. Don't you have a dream? EveBun though dreams that make no sense? Future goals?
IMO, a dream is a beginning. Cz it can make a person have a spirit. Not something that should be laughed at. If yuh think it is impossibe to me, or unreasonable, make no sense, or anything else. you should just save it in you, I think.
Cause whatever others do, whatever other ppl dream of, as long as nothing to do with you, it doesn't concern yuh. None of your bussiness. 
This is my own life. A person who feel n get an experience is me, not you. You will never understand. You don't need to understand. This is me, not you. That's why yuh laughed at me. But if anything I ever experienced, my dreams, my failures can be the source of your happiness, so it doesn't matter. That's your right. The important is I would never laugh n mock or make a fun to dreams of others.

Am I too sensitive? I don't think so.
If you think this is a trivial issue, it doesn't apply to me. Cz I'm complex girl.
But here I am.. I am a girl who fragile easily. Think too much n deeply till make my head get headache. But that's I am. 

The point in this case, the core my dissapointment here is my feelin' broken by you, a friend who had always been with me... 
I found out it's hard to trust somene. 
I'm not good enough for you n you are not TRUE friend.
And thanks for the nickname that you gave, that's really cool! :) 

Pstt... before suspect your enemies, you sould suspect your friends, right? or? hm

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